I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Randomize
