Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
