I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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