you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
