At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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