I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
