your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Someone shit on the floor
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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