youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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