I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
