First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
