You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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