I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
