We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
