I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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