Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The power of my boobs compel you
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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