Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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