did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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