how hairy? two words: wookie tits
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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