Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
