Pants 0. Shit 1.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
