I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Your penis caused this!
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