So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
