btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
