I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
