I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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