i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
