saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize