Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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