btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
