Farmville is her only friend.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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