I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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