At least make sure they are 18
Why
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
