i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
