The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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