he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
