he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
