I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
