all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
