I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
