dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
