i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
