so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
