your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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