Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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