So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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