Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize