I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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