didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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