You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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