things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
