Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
