You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
