I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Come see our sink grown plant.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
