so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
