apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
