you would pick up someone in the library
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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