So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
