Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
