remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
