I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
