i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
