She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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