Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
And then he peed in my hair
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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