I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
he had hair everywhere except his balls
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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