I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
