You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize