He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
