don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
