God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
