I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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