woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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