Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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